Dear Butcher Bar…
I wanted you to be good.
My brother seems to really like your food.
Unlimited and quick refills, Maine Root sodas – um yes please
my root beer never went half empty, our waitress was the bees’ knees.
After our long wait for a table, our tummies did growl and grumble
we needed to eat, stat! – so we ordered guacamole, yes at a BBQ place
But why did it take so long to come? We started to mumble
And then it came; the avocado was cut with distinct sour cream taste
I actually ordered two platters so that I could try more things
The three sides combo, here’s a side salad – not terribly interesting
Oh my gosh, the mac & cheese – shockingly amazeballs
Al dente pasta, creamy cheese, wasn’t trying too hard, I ate it all
(I love mac n cheese but you gotta be on guard:
places can’t keep the pasta the right texture, or try too hard)
Unfortunately that’s the end of all the good we had
What the FUCK is this? “potato salad” um no it’s not, this is BAD
At least the potatoes were fully cooked, but seriously yo?
These chunks are huge, like all you did was half or rough cut a huge potato
This is my platter – the corn was fine, at least not overcooked
But holy mackerel the rest of the food can be overlooked
the ribs were meh-tastically OKAYYYYY, a little dry
needed sauce to make them sing or they’d just die
And AGAIN I ASK, what the FUCK is this GARBAGE, this TRASH?
Being fed “burnt ends” – charged an extra $2, natch! –
clearly NOT slow smoked, MAKES ME ANGRY HULK SMASH
(tasted good anyway, STILL NOT BURNT ENDS, down the hatch)
Oh my stars, more fucking ludicrous rubbish: pork belly?
MORE LIKE CUT UP BACON AKA LARDONS, what the helly???
Our whole table, all our food in all its fatty glory
But it doesn’t paint the picture or tell the whole story
Our great server gave us free cake, some apple caramel cake-is-a-lie
Sweet and sticky, a nice end to a terrible meal… sigh
**I was tired of writing another bad review in straight prose
So I decided to give poetry another go
However, there’s much more to say
If you have specific questions, ask in comments
I will answer another day.**