Fatty Crab doesn’t take reservations. Fatty Crab is an Asian- Malaysian? Thai? Chinese?! – restaurant that boasts something my friends and I like: Dungeness crab. Unfortunately, it also boasts an interior not unlike that of a dive Vietnamese place (an excellent dive Vietnamese place, but one that would stuff me silly for about $6 after tip and tax). The night did not bode well when, our party complete, we were led to the side of the restaurant where the tables were literally pushed next to each other so close I could breathe the woman next to me’s perfume. Chanel No. 5, very nice. Did I really need her dead animal- I mean, fur coat- to brush my skin, though? No, not at all.
Am I painting the scene vividly enough? No? Our tables were so tightly squished that our waiter had to pull one out- like a game of “Traffic Jam” (do you remember that game from when you were a kid? You had to figure out how to get your car out of a densely packed board? Ok, I admit, I never played the board game version, but I’ve played it online many a time)- in order for us to be seated. Then, to add insult to injury, he insisted that we 5 girls sit at 2 two-tops. Excuse me? You’re kidding, right? I’d piled in first, wanting to sit so that my left-handedness didn’t infringe upon my friends’ eating enjoyment, but instead wound up elbowing the older woman to my left. Whoops. While I attempted to remove my bulky winter layers and settle in, the waiter insisted to me- twice– that I move over. Um, absolutely, but can it wait until I’m done settling down?! I had both my bag and a small shopping bag with a few copies of my manuscript, pens, an umbrella, and you want me to just shift over… and sit on it? Push it into the woman who is eating? Can you freaking wait a damn minute? With three of us seated on the inside, and an empty table to our right, it’s not as though we all weren’t sitting while he waited impatiently for me to move over; he hovered until we’d assuredly not taken the empty table to our right, which remained empty for at least another hour.
Finally, we browsed the menus, whose prices were much higher than had been on MenuPages (for example, the chili crab is $28 on MenuPages; it’s actually $32), which was very limited. We were duly appalled that noodle dishes ran $15 and higher, when we could get much better, much more authentic noodles- in less cramped spaces, I might add- in Chinatown, for less than half the price. The waiter appeared to ask us three times for our order; when we finally decided- three Chili Crabs and two Short Rib Rendang (braised with chili, lime, and coconut)- he informed us “BY the WAY, the way things work here is, you’re supposed to share, and it all comes out as it’s ready. Okay?” then scurried off, so even if it wasn’t okay, too bad. Umm… would have been helpful to know about this beforehand. We hadn’t ordered with sharing in mind; he’d also taken our orders in progressive around-the-table order, so please explain to me how we were to know that?
Then began the wait.
Finally, two dishes were plunked down on our table, both in front of me, despite one being for ShB, who sat farthest from me. I passed along her dish, and after a few minutes of waiting, the rest of our group insisted we start eating. “We don’t know how long our crabs will be,” they said. “He said they’d come out as they were prepared.”
I’m not sure about ShB, but I definitely dawdled while eating so it wouldn’t be so terrible of a head start. It was another 30 minutes before their three steamed crabs appeared, a full hour after we’d been seated. Did the waiter bother saying anything to us? No, not until StB glowered in his direction; then and only then did he meekly offer “Your crabs are being plated right now,” and again he scurried off into the back.
But about the food, which is why we’re here to begin with: I was sufficiently annoyed that the menu doesn’t mention that the ribs are served with its own portion of rice. On the menu, it just lists the short ribs, and in a different section lists rice side dishes, which run from $2 for coconut or plain rice, to $3 for “chicken rice” (seriously, what gives?! Good, traditional Chinese restaurants charge 50c for a bowl of rice. FIFTY CENTS). Had I ordered a bowl of rice in addition, I’d have been really peeved to discover that I already had rice in my dish- about half a bowl.
As for the taste, well, it wasn’t bad. I was disgusted to discover at one point, putting what looked like a bunch of shredded pieces of the beef in my mouth, mixed with rice, that it was actually large hunks of a ginger-root textured item (but it wasn’t ginger, because it didn’t have that strong pungent taste)- it was tough, and I couldn’t chew it. I had to discreetly spit it out into my napkin, to my horror. This happened a few more times. Lemongrass root perhaps? In any case, it was gross. The dish itself was slightly spicy, increasingly so as I ate more, but the meat itself was meltingly tender. Still, finding pieces of something I can’t identify nor actually eat definitely turned me off the dish.
When the chili crabs finally arrived, I was surprised to see that they were literally drenched in chili sauce. My friends all thoroughly enjoyed the crabs, but eating them does take quite a while, which made the wait we’d had to endure even more irritating. Regardless, they said the crabs were fresh and yummy, and no one complained about it. The toast also seemed to be enjoyed.
HB said that she’d order takeout from here, but would not return to actually eat there. StB said that she wouldn’t ever return to eat in, either, unless it was with just one other person. Personally, I will never go here again because the rude service coupled with the sitting on top of other people, the outrageous prices with the horrible atmosphere…. everything just adds up to a horrible experience. Conversation, as usual, was hysterical and great, though I’m positive the couple on my left didn’t need to hear me shrieking in their ears about babies and wives and everything else we talked about.
The waiter brought this with our check- it’s a Chinese item whose name and origin completely escapes me. It was a touch sweet and chewy. I liked it. Our check, I didn’t like so much, as on the menu we’d ordered from had stated our short rib dish was $20, but the check stated it was $22. It’s not the $2, it’s the principle of the matter. I didn’t bring it up to the waiter, but I was really annoyed that they aren’t more diligent about keeping everything in order.
Yvo says: I will never step foot in this place again. From the rude service, the inflated prices, the cramped quarters and icky decor/atmosphere- there were even “buckets” of [dirty] chopsticks on every table, which I didn’t see anyone using- it just isn’t my kind of place. I’ll eat in Asian places with terrible service because the food is really good and dirt cheap. I’ll eat in expensive places with fantastic service, a great atmosphere, but with really good food too. But I won’t eat in a place that is overpriced, horrible service, and terrible atmosphere, with only mediocre food. Why would I bother with that? There are too many places that I can get everything better for me to waste time on a place like this.
don’t waste your time or money here, ever
C says
Omg, I constantly had to discreetly spit out lemongrass root/ginger and tiny shards of what seemd to be bone too!! I thought it was just me. I hate that place.
SkippyMom says
Having read all your archives and everything new [love ya!] I have to say I have never seen you so vehemently dislike a place as you do the Fatty Crab. I can only imagine how bad it truly sucked…hee!
I too don’t mind a very cramped restaurant, if the service is attentive and the decor/table is upscale, with good food [DC has many of these cramped typed restaurants] but to be treated in the manner y’all were, w/wrong prices and the delivery of the food in bits and pieces? Forget it!
I am sorry you had a bad time, I hate that for you – but it was fun to see you take this place apart – deservedly so!
Hugs!
j0cy0223 says
Fusion places are always a hit or a miss for me. The food may be good… but I always end up comparing it to the “chinese” way… and sometimes it is just not as good.
Susan says
Just found your site. Thanks for taking your disappointing experience and turning it into an engaging read! Yikes about the mysterious ginger root-like substance.
Zach@MidtownLunch says
So sad that you didn’t enjoy one of my favorite restaurants in teh city…
I’ve actually had many discussions about this restaurant with different people, and I think it would be a disservice if people didn’t go because of bad reviews. What I do think is good, is to learn from other people’s experiences, so that you can insure you are getting the most out of a place. Clearly Fatty Crab must be doing something right, or else so many people wouldn’t love it.
Here are my rules for enjoying Fatty Crab:
#1. Never go to Fatty Crab with more than two people. You can go with four, but it will cut your enjoyment in half- and more than four will be a disaster (unless you go totally off peak- but even then I think it’s bad). Even with two people, it’s going to be cramped… so if you don’t like that kind of atmosphere, you will be unhappy.
#2. Expect “I’m better than you” service… and be able to laugh it off. It’s a “hip” restaurant in the Meatpacking district so the service is going to be terrible… if you’re not in the mood to deal or it’s going to ruin the experience, don’t go. You’ll hate it.
#3. Order 3 or 4 different things and share. The kitchen at Fatty Crab doesn’t operate like a normal kitchen. You need to order things from every section of the menu, so that your meal is staggered. I’m pretty sure the crab always come out last (after about 45 minutes to an hour) and the short ribs probably take 25-30 minutes. The watermelon/pork dish comes out pretty quick as does some of the dishes on the rice/noodle part of the menu.
#4. You must order the Watermelon Pickle & Pork dish & the Chili Crab- and be willing to get messy with the crab. It’s the two dishes every rave review mentions. If you don’t order both, or you don’t eat pork, or you don’t want to get disgustingly filty picking small amounts of meat out of crab that’s slathered with sauce- you will have a much harder time enjoying Fatty Crab as much as the people who rave about it do. I’m not saying you can’t enjoy it, I’m just saying it’s less likely. (It’s like going to Nobu and ordering only Sushi, and then saying it’s overrated because there is better, cheaper sushi in the city. If you go to Nobu, you’ve got to order the Miso Cod & the Rock Shrimp Tempura. Most of the people who say they LOVE Nobu order that dish.) I’ve also never heard any one say they love the Short Ribs… (quite the opposite)
#5. Don’t think of it as Asian Street food… and if price is an issue, you can’t go.
That being said- the waiter’s behavior was inexcusable (see #2), and it probably would have been helpful if he had told you about the wait time first, or apologized for it in the end.
Sorry I couldn’t have told you all these things beforehand!!!
Aoife says
Unbelievable. Witness the power of the blog: my willingness to go there has plummetted.
And Zach, restaurants should be wooing us, not the other way around. I pay their salaries, ergo I should be able to order anything on the menu. It’s very simple and not too much to ask.
Douglas Cress says
After reading Zach’s requirements for having an enjoyable meal at a costly restaurant – it makes me think…why bother??
bloorozez says
that place was so tiny!!!! the food was eh.. =T
Linda says
thanks for the review. i had heard great things about fatty crab… but i’ll be sure not to make the trip!
glad to have found your blog!
Anonymous says
Contrary to your experience, I find the close, cramped dining at Fatty Crab to be part of the experience. It isn’t like being at Ramsay or Buddakan but for good reason and hardly claims to be spacious.
It is a dive joint, and as we ALL know as NYers dive doesn’t = cheap necessarily.
Additionally, I think to hold Fatty responsible for ERRORS in price on MENUPAGES is REDICULOUS! You want to have a hissy about this—CONTACT MENUPAGES. Don’t blame Fatty Crab. Menupages seeks out the info NOT vice-versa.
I have been to Fatty over 15 times since they opened their doors and I find their food to be reasonable, enjoyable and the atmosphere to be top notch.
If you were a TRUE food journalist you would have read Peter Meehan’s review in $25 and UNDER and ACTUALLY ORDERED MORE THAN 2 ITEMS.
In all of your reviews you go places and order 2 of something. You did that at Little Owl and also here. Why? What reviewer does that?
If you want to have an educated opinion then please have an educated dining experience.
And if you don’t want to do that, then please don’t share your unsubstantiated opinions with people who ACTUALLY ARE foodies.
Your damaging words are dangerous to people who might read this and actually be confused enough to believe that you MIGHT know what you are talking about–which you don’t.
ps–the dessert is mochi cake.
Anonymous says
Great journalism…right…and Sanjaya is a great singer.
The food is Malaysian {do your homework} and if you are reviewing a place, at least attribute pictures if they aren’t your own and you cut and pasted them from another site.
Yvo says
To Anonymous: thanks for your comments. I wish you’d left some contact information so I could let you know I’m responding, but I suppose this will have to do.
I have never once claimed to be a “true” “food journalist”. My blog is for my enjoyment, and anyone who reads it is free to disagree with me or not. I have my opinion and do not enjoy being in such close quarters with other people. A friend chose the place; I get my turn to pick the place as do the rest of my friends, and will not be such a brat as to say “No, I don’t want to go there, so even though you respectfully go along with my choices when it’s my turn, I am not going to go along with your choices.”
Also, I dine with my friends; I am not going to dictate what they order. That is absolutely ridiculous.
As for my “damaging words”, it is my opinion and if someone else chooses to follow it, that is their perogative, just as it is their choice to also hear what I have to say and choose to go here anyway. I seriously doubt my review is going to hurt the business of Fatty Crab significantly. Please note that I was one of five people who dined there that night and all of us had similar views, though a few of us would choose to eat the dishes again.
As for Anonymous#2, though, I am horrified because THESE ARE MY OWN PICTURES. If you saw them on another site, PLEASE TELL ME WHICH ONE. Thank you.
Swan says
anon- like anon #2 said, the place serves Malaysian food. The dessert is is not mochi cake. similar concept but its not the same thing. like saying spaghetti is lo mein. i think Feisty was trying to figure out exactly what it was.
Anonymous says
you need to get to know the NY dining scene before you go to these restaurants. fatty crab’s tiny space is a well-known fact, and people consciously endure the discomfort of eating there for the food. of all places, this was mentioned in both the Times and New York mag reviews. can’t believe you showed up expecting anything else, and then complaining about it on your blog.
Anonymous says
You compare everything to prices in Chinatown.. here’s a suggestion, go eat in Chinatown! And by the way, Menupages is not the last word on what you’ll actually find in the restaurant. In case you didn’t know, restaurants are allowed to change their prices whenever they want.
YJK76 says
I guess you weren’t paying attention when I blogged how horrible this place was a while back on xanga, huh? Well, now you know.
Anonymous says
OMG, I just came across your site by chance while checking around for different variations of watercress soup and started to read your entries. I can’t stand it that Fatty Crab is still in business. Here was my review back in Dec. ’05. cheers!
—–
You know, I really hate crowds. Really. Whether it’s in the streets of Herald Square where it gets REALLY crowded, walking the San Genarro feast where you’re neck and neck with a sea of people, or well, in a restaurant! Can’t relax and enjoy my meal demmit.
I could be wrong, but someone correct me on this, but I think this is another one of those joints where caucasians learned to cook some kinda of asian eats and decided to open a joint, use our “authentically designed” asian paraphernalia to add more “feel” to the place and then charge an arm and a leg for smething you can get on the cheap hmm…like…15mins away in Chinatown. Sorry, that bugs me.
I believe (M) and (I) did enjoy the heck out of their crabs which from my buzzed eyes looked pretty “phatty” at one point. (R) and myself passed (R, not being Rolly).
I was confused to say the least that the red and black chopsticks were placed in these tin cylindrical things – aren’t these for the dead? or am I wrong?
I think most of all, everyone was appalled at the crap ass service. It started at the bar and just kept on throughout the night.
I was appalled that the choy arrived in a traditional sized rice bowl…and that’s it – not two…just one small fricken rice bowl. huh?!
When we ordered up a round of rice, we weren’t even asked which rice (they have different ones) and they didn’t even give enough for four!
what the hell is goin on here? THIS is family style? I think they better get re-trained or move their biz on out somewhere where no one has ever heard of family style.
The Riesling could have been better – too dried. not enough sweetness, imo. Shucks to me I can’t remember what it was so that I never buy a bottle when I do my testing rounds with Roll. Still, I drank and drank and drank anyway (surprised?)
We also had mussels which were good albeit a bit on the raw side. Bearable for me, but it wasn’t a hit overall.
Damn, I can’t remember the second dish that came out…I think it had eggs in it? Like am omelet? That was good….
Suggestions to lo-fan cooking in the back:
a. stop being a greedy lo-fan – that’s bad karma.
b. i think you’re confusing tapas and family style. use bigger plates and serve bigger portions please – asians don’t understand the concept of “just barely enough” so stop screwing up the program
c. stop pretending to be from mary’s fishcamp by pulling tables and chairs out to seat people. it’s stupid and annoying. really.
d. get a whole new waitstaff. it’s spelled p-r-o-f-e-s-s-i-o-n-a-l
e. don’t make a mockery out of our foods…if you do, call it fusion so we know the stupidity is yours and yours alone.
Shahrul says
i’ve eaten at fatty crab a few times while living in NY. Now that I’m back in Malaysia, i have yet to find food as good as at Fatty Crab. I’m all for Fatty Crab. Whatever happened to you @ fatty crab was probably something that does not happen everyday. It’s a favourite of mine and will always be…you can’t be to fussy with small stuff. The price might be a bit steep but the food is all good. If you want to sample malaysian food that is also good but more variety and cheaper, try Jaya Restaurant on Baxter Street in CHinatown.
SkippyMom says
Yvo – I always love commenters who post anon – and then rip you a new one. How funny!!!
They obviously didn't read your blog before this post and must've been trolling – I get the impression some of them work for F/C. 🙂