Happy Father’s Day!

Ah, life. Looking over my site a bit where I’ve written about my father and other lost family members, I see that my most recent post to dear old Dad mentions several interesting things: my “potential offspring”, starting “my own family”, my choice of spouse… it’s almost as though I knew. Well, I DID know that I’d (secretly) gotten married… but I did NOT know that I’d shortly find myself pregnant!

In years past, Father’s Day was always difficult for me. At least other holidays focused on family in a more general sense; his birthday was easy to mourn alone or with family; but father’s day specifically is for fathers. I often thought bitterly about everyone else celebrating their still-living fathers and how I didn’t have that option — not even the option to not call mine. He was just… gone. I don’t think I handled the absence well — some years found me angrily responding to PR people who invited me to “celebrate dad” with some item or other, other years found me sulking in a corner and refusing to acknowledge the day existed at all. I mourned in my own strange way; everyone does.

Thank you to everyone who reached out yesterday to see if I was doing OK. I really appreciate the messages from those who wanted to make sure I was not sulking or sending mean emails to PR people just doing their jobs.

Interestingly, this year my own father was sort of tucked into the back of my mind. I know he’s gone; I’m not delusional. I know he’s still my father; it’s okay.

This year, my focus was on someone else entirely: Hubba Hubby. While it’s true that our own child is not yet born but still in utero, it’s the first(ish) father’s day where he is on his way to becoming a father. It’s the first year that all those silly commercials, all those sweet cards, those little things that children can and do for their fathers… they mean something to both of us, in a different manner than in the past.

It wasn’t until the end of the day that I really took note that I had hardly thought sad thoughts all day, nor thought of my father. It really dawned on me that I am starting a new chapter of my life — forward-facing, future-focused.

That’s not to say I’m forgetting my own father, but rather… everything comes in crystal-clear now, in a different way. The light shines differently now. The sun is just a touch brighter, and life a bit more hopeful. Everything is just a little bit better… creating this life with my partner. Our own family, our own traditions, our own everything, together.

{Okay, enough sappy stuff.}

Happy father’s day, Hubba Hubby! Here’s to all the rest of our lives together, creating this life together with our own rules.

Same team, always.
xo