My father loved me very much. Yet another testament to this love would be my very first bento.
In 2007, as a means to battle depression and fight weight gain (er- to encourage weight loss, really, as I’d already gained the weight), I began making bento for myself to bring to work. I’d just ended a four year relationship – my longest relationship ever – had moved back home and basically hated my life, and the only thing I looked forward to each day was lunch, because I put effort into making myself feel loved. Someone was taking care of me; even if that person was me, I knew I was loved.
One morning, as I packed my bento for the day, my mom watched, drinking her cup of coffee. Though I concentrated on the task at hand, my mother chuckled suddenly, breaking the silence.
“What?” I asked tentatively. Sometimes my mother would say something that would rub me the wrong way– and early morning is really not the time to poke me.
“Nothing,” she said thoughtfully. “Just thinking, what would your dad say if he saw you doing this now.”
I continued adding the finishing touches to my lunch, and responded, “Probably ‘hey, you’re doing that wrong, don’t put that there, put it here, no put this there and that here… oh just let me do it,’ and then push me aside to do it himself.”
My mom laughed and agreed. Dad passed away in October 2000.
As I commuted to work that morning, I thought about the brief conversation I’d had with my mother. It’s true, my father would undoubtedly tell me what I was doing wrong and try to correct it, even though at the time, I was a ‘grown’ woman of 26. But a memory niggled at the corner of my mind…
When I was a junior in high school, my friends and I got into Lunchables – those compartmentalized little lunches with crackers, mustard, deli meats, cheese slices, and a piece of chocolate. But in high school, I had so little money that it wasn’t prudent to try to keep buying these, and my mom refused to buy me them for lunch. Fair enough.
I figured out what kinds of crackers they were (Keebler Club Crackers… so buttery and so good!), and began packing my own style of Lunchables. Cheese slices, a bit of mayo, Club crackers, slices of whatever cold cuts my mother had bought, whatever. I did this a few times before one day, a so-called friend of mine made fun of my homemade Lunchable (honestly, my homemade Lunchables were way better than what was available; I never saw roast beef in Lunchables!). So the next morning, I didn’t pack anything, and my father commented on my lack of lunch. I don’t remember what I said – probably something sullen and teenager-ly – and went on my way.
The day after that, as I was leaving, my father stopped me and handed me a Pyrex container. “For lunch,” he said. We didn’t say things like “I love you,” but we fed each other. I may or may not have thanked him, shoved it in my bag, and went to school.
I still remember where I was sitting when I took it out of my bag. I was on the 5th floor, outside my French class, when I opened my backpack and found the box. “What’s that?” someone may have asked me. I may have shrugged, “My dad made me lunch,” or simply “lunch” or nothing at all. I don’t know. I don’t really remember those finer details.
I do remember sitting on the bench they’d put there, and I do remember opening the container to find lunch. It’d shifted in transit, as I’d shoved it into my bag on its side while I went to school – but there it was. Half of a deviled egg; a sandwich, cut into square quarters and packed on their edges; a loose mess of lightly dressed salad that had gotten everywhere.
I ate every last bit.
I remember that was the only time he made me lunch like that; he might have asked me when I got home how lunch was, and I might have said it was good, but that the container (Pyrex as it was) was too heavy to comfortably take to school every day.
It took years for this memory to resurface, but thinking about it still brings tears to my eyes. Perhaps I never thought of it as bento back then, but I find everything that I do today, especially with regard to food, comes back to my father.
Bento helped me lose 17 pounds (that I eventually gained back, and then some), and remember this nugget of happiness. I sort of recreated that first bento here, but it’s yet another reminder that everything I do, everything I am, everything I eat… comes from my father.
This Halloween, it will be 12 years since he died.
Aimee says
: ))
CheeeeEEEEse says
Keep yer’ head up kid.
Food makes memories. 🙂
Lunch never did it for me, I actually bought most of the time as my parents were too busy to actually make something, but dinner was great. I remember many a time grilling chicken breasts and making chicken caesar salads for myself and my dad and eating them in the basement watching sports when my mom wasn’t around to do the cooking.
Feisty Foodie says
My head’s not down…
That is a great memory – thanks for sharing!
CheeeeEEEEse says
Didn’t imply it was. It was an expression to stay positive and think of the good times. Sorry to misconstrue…
Eva says
This seriously moved me almost to tears (but I’m at work, must not cry!) I loved this entry. Honestly I think with Asian families, especially with mine, food is such a strong expression of love.
Feisty Foodie says
We’re not very touchy-feely, stereotypically, as a people/on the whole… so yes, food is definitely the main way it seems that Asian/Asian-descent people show their affection/love!
jay says
Great story. Thank you.
Packed lunch always my first step when needing to cut back(money and calories) and when I make the effort I always ask myself why I slipped back into buying lunches.
Feisty Foodie says
It’s such a great little way to perk up a day, even when you do it for yourself. I really miss it sometimes.
emily says
wonderful story as usual. love how parents look out for us even when we can be at our worst behavior-wise (i.e. snooty teenagers).
Feisty Foodie says
I really don’t look forward to the day when I have teenagers…
emily says
oh, i know. it’s especially weird now that i know it will be about approximately 13 years and a month until i do have one of my own to deal with 0_0
Feisty Foodie says
Ooh, congratulations! That is a journey to document all on its own!
Corinne says
Really enjoyed this story Yvo, but I miss your great pictures.
Feisty Foodie says
Thanks Corinne! My other posts still have pictures, but it would take me too long and stress me out a bit too much to include photos with these posts.
Feisty Foodie says
Like I would never buy a ham steak solely for the purpose of illustrating my last food memory post. That would be a huge waste of money, plus clean up from … yeah… hahaha!
hungry says
Lucky you. I have terrible public school lunch every day. Then went to McDonald’s after school for 2 cheeseburgers. I was fat.
Oh yeah, and I had Cheez Its and orange juice for breakfast. Hot chocolate in the winter.
Feisty Foodie says
…and ate your sister’s cheeseburgers too… 😛 This was only one lunch! The rest of the time, I had those chicken patty sandwiches topped with lots of tartar sauce. Or the ‘order your own sandwich’ lunches… you know what I’m talking about!
Haha, you just reminded me of a story – a breakfast one. I think it’ll be the story in 2 weeks (since I already have next week’s). It’s gooooood. Probably my sister’s favorite story of me, ever.
Jen says
I’m really enjoying your new posts 🙂
Feisty Foodie says
Thank you Jen!
gregwong says
great story! thanks for sharing.
Feisty Foodie says
Thank you 🙂
arkonite says
Food is the simplest way to show someone you love them. A simple act like a packed lunch can say so many things. Lovely story, thank you for sharing with us 🙂
Feisty Foodie says
Thank you for reading, arkonite.
T.C. says
When I did bring lunch to work, I disliked using plastic especially to nuke. I carried the Pyrex for a long while. It just nukes so much better to my liking. It also gets super hot. Ouch. And heavy to lug around when you’re a big eater…
Depending on the school lunch, I remember going for seconds. Especially when it was tacos, spaghetti, or sloppy joes.
$1 public school lunches!! Snack was always those linden’s cookies or the chocolate “rock”/frozen pudding. I miss playing Chinese poker, spades and dominoes!
After school, local pizza/beef patty or burger king wasn’t too far and they were inexpensive too. My friend still can’t believe I once housed 3 whoppers in a row and a soda…
Feisty Foodie says
I was also afraid of breaking the Pyrex… you know, careless teenager and all, though I think they’re break-resistant right? Like Corelle (who makes them or is related, I think?)? But yeah, I don’t nuke my lunches, and I actually don’t like how hot the glass gets…
As for school lunch – I don’t remember tacos, I do remember spa-ghetti… I remember sloppy joes but you could get the sloppy joe meat over pasta, which I loved, haha. Didn’t have sloppy joes at home ever, so that was “new” to me. Your HS experience sounds like mine! Although we had Mickey D’s, not Burger King, just a block or so away.
T.C. says
Pyrex gets crazy hot. I should’ve carried an oven-mitt around too. I’ve clanged it on walls, desks, and what-not but no dings or anything so pretty resistant through my usage. I haven’t used Corelle but apparently they are both parts of World Kitchen.
We had Mickey D’s too. In fact, Burger King was further away from my school but cheap Whoopers at the time so couldn’t say no to them over expensive Big Macs. 😛
Feisty Foodie says
True, true… I used to get the Happy Meals and they were always $1.99 for the longest time, so $2.15 with tax… so good, so cheap, and so perfect… sad that a Happy Meal has enough calories in it for an adult meal but isn’t filling enough for an adult… McDonald’s is pretty expensive per calorie if you think about it…